Twilight or Twishit

Now that the final instalment of the Twilight saga is finally over I thought i would share my thoughts on the film series that has made such divided opinions. Now I would like to start out by saying that I do not consider myself a Twilight snob. Having not read any of the books but have watch all the films, my view will be only directed at the films themselves. However I will say this about the books that most of the haters don’t recognise. They are all a fantasy romance novels written for teenage girls, by a Mormon. With vampire stories often having a sexual subtext, Twilight series is no different with Edward resisting temptation paralleling celibacy.

So there are no prizes for guessing that myself, grown man didn’t get swept up with wolf men and sparky vamps. For me, Twilight lacks bite (sorry for the bad pun). I want my vampire sagas to have some grit and a harder edge and maybe some gore, but then, I’m not exactly the target audience. So are Twilight films all that bad when given the context of the source material, well….. yes and no.

Catherine Hardwicke did an honest job with the first movie, giving a fair representation of life as a teenager while give it an independent sheen. Laying the ground work for the what was to come, it’s a shame she didn’t stick around for number 2, New Moon. Directed by Chris Weitz it was frustrating, dull, lifeless and annoying. With a plot other that consists of Edward pissing off to keep Bella safe, leaving  her on own well to cry (and boy does she cry and moan…… and sulk). This the worst of the films with practically nothing happening other that K-Stew’s over dramatic crying (that is way too ridiculous to be taken seriously) and Taylor Lautner taking his shirt off any given opportunity, while making me think about doing some more sit ups in the process. I’m sure the book does a better job that the film, but other than introduce us to the wolf people, nothing happens and the film sucks because of it (sorry for the bad pun again).

The third instalment is what believe is the best instalment with something achally happening with some pace. Directed by David Slade who made such films as Hard Candy and the fantastically blood thirsty 30 Days of Night (now that’s a vampire film), Eclipse  is way more entertaing and excessable to wider audances. Fetering the witty diolog, an on coming threat and some characterisation of the other members of the Cullen clan who outside of this film, feel all very nice and cosey with nothing memorable about them. The only issue I had with Eclipse, and to be fair, it’s the books fault (i know i wasn’t going to judge the books, but…. fuck it), was no one the Cullen’s side dies in the climatic battle. I just find a tad silly how we are told how dangerous this army of newborns are for the most of the movie, only to have a climatic battle and not one casualties on the good guys side. That doen’t sit well with me as it was all too easy. Maybe Stephenie Meyer felt that it would be too heartbreaking to kill off any of Cullen’s or the wolf pack, but I think that’s a cop out wether you a sixteen year old girl or not.

Any way with that issues put to one side, the series seems to have ended on a high note, however the is one last chapter to get through, Breaking Dawn. Now the problem with the forth instalment is that it is essentially a prolog. Something that is only there to tie up a few loose ends give a bit more detal about what happens next. That is what the main flaw of Breaking Dawn part 1 and 2. Given the difficulty of the adapting the book, Bill Condon does a fine job considering. But there is not enough meat in ether film to make them a success. Part 1 has with ideas under the surface but feels laking some what being half of a story. Part 2 is something completely different. Spending half it’s running time introducing us to a mass of new vampire characters that we have no time to know or care, to prepare to battle against The Volturi. While this may seem as climatic as Eclipse, the final battle never happens in the book, the film makers to decide to give us one. This is when the film got engaging thinking that they must of thought “It’s the last one guys….. let’s killing something.” This flat out craziness would have been a bold move for witch i would have respected. I mwan why not, the source matral doesn’t provide a cinamatic ending, why not go off the page?

But no, it was all a dream and didn’t really happen. I personally hate those endings. It’s a case of having your cake and eating it. Sure those ten minutes of fighting was entertaining and surprising, but as a audience we have to believe what we are seeing is true on some level it’s tinted at or happens in another plane of reality, it’s lazy just to plonk it in there just for the sake of having it both ways. Ether you change the ending or you stand by it, it’s a joke other wise (rant over). Then some Indian vampire come walk on to prove a point. As to why they weren’t there to begin with I don’t know. Then we get treat to a big soppy love letter to all the fans witch made me reach for the nearest sick bag.

I will say the both Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have gotten some stick from haters, unfairly I may add. I believe they are both great actors who have proven and will continue to prove themselves throught out thee carrers. They are playing a vampire and an award teenage girl, it’s natural for them to act stoney faced. The haters may have issues but it’s with the characters they are playing not he the actors. So while the adventures of Edward and Bella are mixed but better than what some people give them credit for, I have to say thank god its over. I am done with team Edward and team Jacob (but if you have to ask…. I’m with Jacob), it’s a stupid question to begin with. Jacob’s a secondary role, of course it’s not going to be him.

So I’m not hating on the franchines as some do, it has more ideas and creatively that some give it credit for, but does not make me this person

Now pass me my copy of Near Dark.